Discovering the Meaning of "Agape" in My Life

((image from: http://cristinahaines.blogspot.com/2012/03/four-greek-words-for-love.html)

Over these past few months, I have been brought into a spiritually tugging, & immensely stretching growth-spirt, pertaining to spiritual things of the Lord. I have been brought down to making decisions & choices that impact not only me, but others around me & those around me which whom I love with an unending love. In these times of decision-making, I have wrestled through the following; will I remain obedient to what the Lord would have me to do, no matter what the sacrifice may be? My response after spending immense time seeking the Lord's will for my life in my prayer closet, and by waiting on Him, I have been brought  to the conclusion indubitably of, yes, of course Father. In Philippians, Paul comes to this conclusion by stating:

"Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, and be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: that I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;"

This song by Rend Collective called The Cost perfectly displays Paul's conclusion:

https://youtu.be/E2TxahqbSbU

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A few conclusions I have come to & feel led to share: 1) allowing & accepting the unconditional love the Lord possesses towards me (meaning for me, spending time praying to view myself & love myself as the Lord loves me), 2) God will NEVER leave nor forsake any of His children (stated in Hebrews 13:5), 3) the Lord's plans supersede anything I could have ever planned or desired for how  I thought my life would unravel to be, 4) having faith the size of a mustard seed will truly move the mountains we see too high for us to reach on our own (Matthew 17:5), and 5) experiencing God's promises through agape.

Strong's Exhaustive Concordance defines 'agape', stemming from the Greek word agapao, as, "charity, love, benevolence..." (http://biblehub.com/greek/26.htm). 1 Corinthians 13:2 says, "...and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." (KJV)

Some may not know what true love is like. Not just saying the words, but truly putting them into action. Lately, I have been experiencing an abundance of agape, through blossoming friendships. I think it is precious that the Lord has shown me that I do not need a "relationship" (per se) to experience the fullness of God's love for me. God is all I need at this place in my life. Although my desire is ultimately relationship with the man God has for me, but I have chosen to abide in Christ's love for me waiting for the things the Lord is completing in me before that relationship. But meanwhile being blessed with fellowshipping with new, old friends, my brothers & sisters in Christ, family, & with whom the Lord has brought into my life.

Today, I am grateful for God's unending love for me. I am thankful for the friendships I have in my life right now which direct me back to the Lord when I'm in need of clarity or comfort, when I need sharpening, as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), pray for me when I am in need, and share clean laughter with.

My prayer for you is that you will accept the agape Our Father graciously gives to those who call upon His name, through His Son Jesus Christ.

May the Lord bless you & keep you,

Hannah

Confusion Settled by the Prince of Peace

Recently, the Lord has brought me down to making a decision. This decision was difficult, challenging, and potentially the hardest one I have had to make since deciding no longer to pursue Dance Performance my junior year of college at Oklahoma City University.

 I'd like to share some things I have learned through this process of God bringing me to this particular decision, with His guiding Spirit. The Lord prepared me for this difficult decision by imparting to me the desire to memorize Psalm 61 (KJV) a week before needing to give my answer and I praise Him for that:

61 Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.

² From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

³ For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.

⁴ I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.

⁵ For thou, O God, hast heard my vows: thou hast given me the heritage of those that fear thy name.

⁶ Thou wilt prolong the king's life: and his years as many generations.

⁷ He shall abide before God for ever: O prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him.

⁸ So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever, that I may daily perform my vows.

God will present the opportunity before you. He will allow us to process the opportunity, but very quickly He will bring us to a decision. This is where things get tricky. A lot of people will pretend they do not know what to do, but if someone is diligently seeking the Lord in prayer and supplications, He will impart to you what decision to make. 1 Corinthians 14:33 says, "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. "

In order to find boldness in stating the decision, you may lay out a pros/cons of making the decision, you may immediately have confirmation of what you should do..or you may ignore and avoid making the decision. This is where I made my error months back. And what I have learned is that God will give you boldness in stating a decision He has led you to. I also have learned that there are consequences to us being disobedient in not making a decision He is prompting us to make, especially if He has made it painstakingly clear.

My disobedience stemmed from fear, and from cost...which ultimately was a friendship lost. But I have faith in the Lord, because He is a restorer of all things.

I want to take a minute to praise and thank the Lord for the Holy Spirit teaching, leading, and guiding when we start to stray off the narrow path. God is such a merciful, patient, Father, and I am thankful how He blesses His children as we stay obedient to His will for our lives.

Throughout this long standing decision process, I was reminded of Rend Collective's song "Counted up the Cost". My favorite lyric that has been ringing in my ear these past few months has been, "...I've counted up the cost, and You, are worth it."

Does that mean Jesus is worth choosing, over a worldly relationship? A job opportunity? A friendship? Yes. Because Jesus is the sweetest friend, relationship, and Master we could ever have. Because God tells us in Hebrews 13:5, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

I am led to God's Word in Luke 14:28, "...for which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?"--God brought me to this weighing in decision-making this past weekend. And what He taught me through it is to never compromise where you stand, even if it means losing a friendship.

Another thing I have learned is that God can sustain your peace through making a difficult decision. In fact, God gave me a boldness, courageousness, and a peace like none other. But He also allowed me to experience the grief that comes from this person remaining in a particular situation, even though I have removed myself in the partaking. Why? Because in our weakness, He is made strong (2 Corinthians 12:9). I believe I may not have experienced the grief as much as I am now if I had closed the door months ago when He had already shown me what to do. But after repentance of falling short, I choose to pray for God's perfect will to be done in this situation. I am grateful for the grief because if I did not experience the grief in losing this friendship, I may not have desired to pray for this friend anymore.

God is faithful. I have learned through this situation that I will trust in the Lord holding me as He reveals what decision to make unto me. I will trust in Him bringing me peace, comfort, boldness, and courage as He graciously did in this situation. I pray that whoever may read this, you may seek the Lord in making a decision that you are battling.

Love in Christ,

Hannah





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In the Midst of It All

My heart weighs heavy today, as I enter a time of transition/Sabbath period of my life. I am excited and grateful for new employment opportunities, but mainly to spend time abiding in God's sweet presence. I wanted to share what the Lord has revealed to me unto this day regarding my time in the role I have been humbled to be in these past few months:

(image from: http://palabradevida.wordpress.com/2011/08/22/la-palabra-de-hoy-22-de-agosto-de-2011/)

Matthew 13:24 “Another parable put he forth unto

them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field:”

§  I have worked closely with a Muslim family for the past few months, immigrating from a South African country. As I shared today with the mother the news of my last day at work being tomorrow, tears welled up in her eyes and she silently said, “but I love you”. She told me how much she loved how I talked to her, how I communicated, and how special I made her and her family feel. She then asked if she could give me a kiss; I said yes. This mother and I embraced in a warm hug, and kissed one another’s cheeks as we went our separate ways. Sidenote: ** When I told her child tomorrow was my last day, his facial expression dropped. He came up to me to point out my name tag, and told me I HAVE to stay at work because my badge states that I work here. (Mom and I giggled)

§  A family I have closely been working with from China shared during our visit together (with a Mandarin interpreter present) that I was a “Godsend angel”, an “answer to their prayers”, simply for my ability and position to connect them with resources in the community; I could not hide my tears. With the language barrier this family has of only speaking Mandarin, they shared that their previous perspective in coming to America was that they were going to raise their children in their little box. After yesterday's visit, they have new hopes to be able to take classes to learn more English, and be provided with different resources to enhance their family's living circumstances.

§  A mother with a child in the program started off  coming to the facility bringing a ruler in her pocket as an intimidation tactic for her child. This mother discontinued doing that, and now has a huge smile on her face everytime I see her. She has been able to see her daughter grow immensely at our facility. This mother found out as a surprise that she was expecting. She ended up coming in yesterday to show me the sonogram, but I was not here. She then came back today to make sure I saw a picture of her two babies, and I was able to find ways to draw out excitement for her for the pregnancy. When I shared with this mother that I would be leaving my position, her demeanor instantly changed. She prompted to give me a hug, and we embraced in a loving, last goodbye together.

§  There was another mother with a child in the program that reported to me about 3 months ago that she was extremely suicidal; with having to go through the appropriate steps in reporting to ensure this mother and children's safety, this mother found out and was extremely angry at me. This past week, this same mother wrote me a personal letter thanking me for caring so much for her and her family, gave me a homemade cupcake from her child's birthday, and gave me a bag full of candy as a goodbye present.

I share these stories not to expose, or triumphantly boast or bring ANY attention to myself: my desire to share these stories is to share that God's Mighty transforming power is REAL.
I have witnessed the renewing of minds, the reconciliation of broken relationships, the power of love, and Christ’s ability to B R E A K E V E R Y C H A I N .


Do you have a prayer request? A specific need you are desiring for the Lord to touch upon? Post or directly email me :)

Blessings, Hannah

A Prick in the Heart

This post is written from a testimonial account of God directly working in my life these past few days.

I have been praying for a while now for God to guide and direct my steps daily, because I am striving towards “doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with my God” Micah 6:8. Unfortunately, I did not realize the extent to which He would fulfill my prayer; on my part, I repented to my Father, for doubting His greatness and interference in my daily life.

Over the past few months, I have attempted to finish reading a book. I do not intend to share the title or name of the book, mainly because I believe there are some convictions from God that are solely individualistic, based off of our personal struggles, and temptations we battle; what may convict my soul, may not convict someone else.

I just finished an encouraging book called “Evidence Not Seen”, written by Darlene Deibler Rose. My spirit was set on fire, and soared when I read each page; I felt the strong presence of The Lord moving, and I was sad when I came to the last page in the book.

After finishing “Evidence Not Seen”, I thought I would go back to read the other book I have put aside for a few months. Every time I picked the book up to read it, I would lose interest: I now realize that was The Lord protecting me from continuing to read. Ignoring my previous loss of interest towards the book, I decided I would power through reading it; I thought I was experiencing motivational issues towards finishing the book. Since the book was written by a Christian author, I assumed it would be similar to “Evidence Not Seen”; however, as I continued reading, I caught myself growing anxious…and slowly becoming sucked in to the paganistic love the author so longed to hold on to. You see, Satan does not ALWAYS blatantly lead someone into temptation. Satan may simply draw someone into something that states it is Christian, but is everything but the representation of Christ.

Last night, I could not find my book anywhere. I specifically wanted to bring the book home to my parent’s house so I could finish reading it. I asked my brother to help me bring the book inside, because with my dog Teddy and my bags, I needed extra help. I called him later that evening to ask him where he put the book, but he could not remember where he put it. I put a load of laundry in, and heard the load finishing up when a thought occurred to me...“Surely I wouldn’t have thrown the book into the washer…” Sure enough, I opened the washer, to find the book watered down, and chopped into minuscule pieces covering my clothing.

My first reaction was emotions, mainly irritation and aggravation. After I took authority over my emotions and had a clear view on the situation, the first thought I had was, “What if God does not want me reading this book?” BAM. That was the Truth, and I knew it.

God knows my innermost struggles, and I fully believe He took charge of physically destroying that book so I would not continue fixing my eyes on something not of Him, and something that could cause severe, emotional destruction to my soul. I should have listened to Him pricking my heart about continuing to read the book in the first place. But sometimes it takes Him taking measures into His own hands, especially when we pray for Him to do so.

Some may ponder and question that I was “overthinking”, being “paranoid” or “superstitious”. But after time in prayer, I felt God comforting my spirit by silently letting me know He did not want me to expose myself to that book anymore. I remembered my prayer I have been praying these past few months: “Lord, I want You to guide my steps, direct me, and keep me focused on You.” I wholeheartedly believe He heard my prayer, and protected me from whatever the ending of that book would present.

Some may think it is “just a book”. But from experience, that sparks the flame of the justification process where it turns into it “just being a movie”, but eventually impacting different sectors of our lives. Justification is one word that sure stings my bones. But Sin is like that, isn’t it? Sure, I could have gone online, and easily purchased another book after realizing mine had been destroyed. But why would I want to disobey what my Father has blatantly protected me from?

When asking God for something, such as directing our steps, make sure you are ready to surrender to what He will do to protect you. I am thankful that I have such a gracious, loving Father who wants nothing but the best for me.

Leave comments if you would like prayer regarding this topic, or would like to know more about Jesus Christ’s love for YOU.

Lord bless,

Hannah

My Swimsuit Image for Summer 2015

Note: My words are not to condemn, criticize, or shame any woman or girl who rightfully chooses to wear a two-piece. My message is to share and discuss my personal decision to choose modesty over societal fashion norms in the swimsuit realm for this summer, with the hopes to encourage women and girls that they can still feel beautiful in a more modest choice for swimwear. 

(I discovered this above image on Pinterest, and fell in love with the tagline!)

For the past 2 summers, going to the pool for me has been a vexing thing. My boyfriend at the time would encourage me that I looked “awesome”, and “beautiful” in my 2 piece swimsuit, but I just did not feel that way; I was more concerned about which areas of my body were not being covered by material, and trying to figure out how to walk/sit a certain way so I would not expose those certain areas. 

This summer, I am making a personal vow to wear modest, yet cute tankini swimsuit tops, with skirt bottoms. I understand I am going against society’s trend of wearing trendy two-piece, and strappy suits; however, I can wholeheartedly say that I have not felt more elegant, and of a timeless beauty than when I looked at myself in the mirror in a more modest styled suit.

Since battling body image issues, the idea of going to a pool for the past 2 summers brought me into an emotional turmoil, along with rehashing bad eating behavior habits to get to that ideal image I had in my mind to look when I went to the pool. This summer is going to be different, and I am taking a stand to conquer the Enemy once and for all against this raging war that stirs in young women and girls. 

John 10:10 tells us, "The thief comes not, but to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."-"I" being referenced to Jesus Christ, my personal Savior.

Last summer, I decided to wear a “one-piece” for the first time. It was a fashionable one-piece, with cut-outs, and from Victoria’s Secret. Not to dish on Victoria’s Secret, but I still felt revealing in the swimsuit I bought from their store. I was not satisfied with that feeling, along with carrying the eerie notion that I may possibly be sending off messages to those around me (particularly men) that my goal in wearing that suit was to have them lust after my swimsuit; I did not want that AT ALL because I have brothers in Christ who have discussed how difficult it is to go to the pool because of the temptation surrounding them.

This summer, I am putting away my “one-piece” swimsuit, ignoring societal norms and expectations for young women my age to wear of wear two-piece swimsuits, and I am vowing wear more modest swimsuits that make me feel beautiful and comfortable, and are still chic/trendy, with the hopes to portray a message to the young girls I am babysitting that they do not have to wear a small swimsuit they are uncomfortable in just to fit in with society. By wearing a more modest swimsuit, I plan to be respectful and more mindful of men around me who struggle with lust and temptations when going to the pool.

Some have questioned why I choose not to wear two-piece swimsuits that show off, and accentuate my athletic physique.

I’ve come up with 5 answers to this question which helps further explain why I am choosing modesty this summer in my swim-suits options:

1) I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

Why should I compromise feeling uncomfortable in my body to “fit-in” with what everyone else’s swim-suits look like? If feeling comfortable in my own skin at the pool means wearing a tankini, and a skirt, then I am definitely choosing that route. I would rather pay $30 more for more material on a suit, than spending my time at the pool worrying about if I am uncovering or showing too much.

2) I want to be a role model to the girls I am babysitting this summer.

To clear up any misconceptions, I do not believe that people who choose to wear two-piece swimsuits set a bad example; however, I do believe that I can set an example to the girls I am babysitting that I am comfortable in my modest swim-suit, and do not have to worry about anything untying or falling off when I am playing water games with them. I want to show these young girls that they are beautiful in swimsuits that may have more material on them. I want them to know that if they are uncomfortable revealing their shapes in tiny swimsuits, they have another option that is fashionable, yet modest.

3) I do not want to send wrong messages to men.

I have read many articles, and had personal encounters with guy friends who have shared with me how tempting it is in the summertime for them, since girls/women’s clothing seems to get smaller with less material. Instead of sending a message of contributing to lustful/tempting thoughts, I want to portray a message to men that I respect them enough to cover my shape so I can do the least amount of harm in their thought process.

4) I want to have fun at the pool, not fret.

Instead of fretting or worrying about what I look like at the pool, I will focus on having fun with friends, and the kiddos I am babysitting. I will focus on how confident I feel, and how I am portraying my true self from the inside out.

  

5) I want to honor my body, as God instructs me to.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us, “What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?”. I am choosing not to look back on any decisions I have made in my life post-wholeheartedly dedicating my life to Christ; however, I do know that I can make the decision today to honor my body, and I believe I will do that by modestly covering up my body at the pool this summer.

My encouragement to readers is to honor your body, respect your body, and be comfortable in your own skin. I also want to challenge each of you to evaluate what kind of message you are portraying by the kind of swimsuits you choose to wear this summer.

As a part of my dying daily to Christ, I am constantly praying to view myself the way He views me. I am reminded of the Psalm 139:14, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”

May you feel the blessings from God on High today. I pray my words have been edifying, and may my inspiration for this message be credited from God's prompting me to do so.

-Hannah